In The Kitchen

This week in the kitchen EVERY RESTAURANT NEEDS A PIG I spent some time on a sunny afternoon this week visiting Snortcha, a very friendly local pig. She's become a good friend of Elmer's kitchen, and I figured we ought to send a representative to give our thanks. Snortcha greeted me by trying to remove my boots (or was she trying to eat them?). When scratched between the ears, she gave a round of happy piggy grunts. I swear I saw her wag her tail. Snortcha is the grateful recipient of Elmer's food scraps. It's a perfect relationship, really. What to do with those two potatoes from the bottom of the bag that are a bit too sprouty? To the pig! What about that last kuri squash from retail that's gone moldy? To the pig! The occasional egg leftover on a plate? The pig! The half-eaten muffin? The toast crusts? The cheese rinds? The pig! The pig! The pig! Snortcha has something of a discriminating palette, however, which seems to resemble that of a four-year-old's. She's crazy about the sweet stuff, but will make a little pile of the foods she doesn't want, which are often things like broccoli and raw carrots. And, of course, she doesn't eat pork. Snortcha belongs to Lauren and Erik, Sebastian (5) and Maitreya (4). Lauren is a waitress here at Elmer's. They live in a peaceable kingdom of animals and children on a beautiful piece of land in Hawley. They plan to raise Snortcha as their brood pig, and then raise her babies for meat. Lauren said when they explained to the boys about their plans for Snortcha and her kids, Maitreya said "Don't eat me, okay?" Pause...... "Eat Sebastian." Lauren assured him there were currently no plans to eat either of them. So, next time you can't finish that gi-normous pancake, you can comfort yourself by thinking of Snortcha in her sun-drenched abode, pushing aside the orange peels to savor your leftover. She thanks you for being such a delicate eater. Mary Schjeldahl March 14, 2008

Snortcha and Maitreya